i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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