Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize