I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize