My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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