She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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