Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
