Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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