Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my being single is dangerous.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize