Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
