I think my fart just growled at me.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
