Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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