Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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