i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
