A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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