i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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