Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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