Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
