i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
