How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize