Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
