i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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