I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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