im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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