I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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