A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i need some magic done to my vagina
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
