he thought i was a dude.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
