shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize