Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just invented taco cereal.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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