i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
