I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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