Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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