Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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