i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
