non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
