sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
