I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize