i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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