Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
