my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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