she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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