Dual....:-)
tell your sister to shave her snatch
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
