He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
