i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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