the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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