Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
