hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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