who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
