your parents love me but you hate me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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