No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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