I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
