It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
