please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
