margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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