Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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