my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize