I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
