OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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