i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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