i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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