found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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