She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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