At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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