K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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