Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
