i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
