I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
