i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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