dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am puke
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What a dumb baby whore.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
