there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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