I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
