Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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