I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
