No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
