My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
