considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
