I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
