I can tuck mytits in my pants
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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