I wanna passion pit in your ass
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
