hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
