Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
