I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
