So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
