happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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