she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
