what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
