It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize