What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize