Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
