OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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