Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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