is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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