my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
