At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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