connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
whose parrot is this?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
