That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
