I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
