This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
