Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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