She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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