Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize