she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
