I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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