I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
